a tiny wonder.

photo by Bindu Ann Photography

The past 6+ weeks have been such a blur and it is hard for this mama to keep up with the days. My daily schedule is planned around when I have to pump. Coffee has become a necessity. I have to remind myself to eat throughout the day. I spend so much time just staring at Ezra Joy while she sleeps, and she is seemingly oblivious of the ways she has turned our lives upside down in the best way. Moment by moment my mind bounces from worry to prayer to planning to waiting to hoping to peace. In some regard, I feel like any other new mother; by the end of each day I'm exhausted--but oh so thankful.

Ezzi continues to grow and has captured my heart in a way that words cannot describe. When I'm not at the hospital, my body craves her. I hear her cry. I smell her scent. I feel her soft and delicate skin. And I see those gorgeous, big brown eyes. She's a tiny wonder--our brown eyed, brown skinned girl. 

Settling into this new role--NICU mama--has been and continues to be an intense process. There are so many nurses and doctors sharing tons of information; it sometimes feels like my head is swirling in a sea of stats, and acronyms. Going home each night without her is getting more and more difficult now that I feel our bond getting stronger with each touch. And since she is extubated (breathing tube is out, CPAP mask is on), we hear her cries when she is fussy or agitated. Everything in me just wants to open the little doors to her incubator and pull her close to me, pulling out the wires and all. But I know I can't. I know the tubes and wires connected to her right now are for her good. As much as it's not what I want, it is what she needs right now. 

So in short, we are chugging along. Thank you for all of your prayers and sweet comments. This summer is definitely going to look a lot different than we planned. 

But with my sweet girl in view, I really can't complain.

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