his law is love.

Losing Xavier completely transformed my idea of what it means to love others. Before last year, my scope of who was deserving of my love was quite narrow. Of course I loved my family, my friends, and my husband. These were all people who reciprocated love to me and could express that love to me in tangible ways. Give and take. Reciprocity. And, because I was a "good Christian"  I loved my enemies and those different from me in the way that we're taught to love everyone, even when we don't see eye to eye. Despite my claims of love, I made great effort to avoid those kinds of people. Why would I expend my energy loving someone who wouldn't love me back?

He taught us to love

It wasn't until I became pregnant that I learned to love without reservation or expectation. As soon as we saw the pink lines (and how much more when we heard the sweet thumping heart beat!) a love took root in me like no other. This baby hadn't yet taken a breath or opened his eyes but I decided, without question, that I would love him fiercely and forever.

I also knew that once I gave birth to this child he would do very little but take from me--initially anyways. He wouldn't be able to reciprocate my love to the same degree I would display it towards him. To the contrary, He would be helpless and we would have to do everything for him. Feed him, clothe him, clean him, keep him warm. And what could I expect from him? Sleepless nights, spit up-covered shirts, and lots of dirty diapers. Not quite the balanced scales I sought in most of my relationships. Still, I was enamored with this child, and I couldn't wait to give my entire self to the little peppercorn sized life growing inside of me.

When I gave birth to Xavier and he then died 10 short minutes later, I didn't love him any less; if anything my heart ached for him even more. You see, I love Xavier unconditionally. Not because of anything he has done. I love him simply because he is mine.

His law is love

If we look to the Word, we can see God's heart for us is quite similar. He loves us, not because of what we have done or what we offer as sacrifice to him. He loves us because we are His. He created us to glorify Him and make His name great. But even when we don't glorify Him, and when we sully His name...He still loves us.

He is the utmost example of how to love, freely and without hesitation. Truly, as the song says, He taught us to love one another. His law is love, and there is nothing that can separate us from him--not death, life, or anything in between (Romans 8:38-39).

Hallelujah!
Light will chase and find us!
Love is facing us again.
--"Oh Light," Gungor feat. All Sons and Daughters

So friends, even as I grieve for my son, I am reminded that I have reason to rejoice. Light chases me in the dark. Love continues to shine His face upon me. And He loves me--and you--simply because we are His.

What good news.