Pretty much every core lie I have believed about God is captured beautifully in the book The Shack by W.M. Paul Young. It centers on the main character, Mack, and his conversations with different representations of God about the pain of suffering, loss, and death. A quick Internet search will call up tons of think pieces on whether or not the book is heretical, or if it’s unbiblical that two of the incarnations of God are women.
This is not one of those think pieces.
I love this book. When I read it for the first time it changed the way I related to the Lord, the way I read the Bible, the way I approached prayer, and the ways I received His love. and I remember seeing the trailer for it and looking forward to seeing it.It was adapted to a film last year and this past March I sat in a dark theater filled with sniffly-noses soft crying. And I was angry. Livid even. I related to Mack before Xavier, but after suffering the pain of child loss I viewed his character with new eyes. As the film moved on, I felt my heart thaw, and I remembered why I love this book so much. It starts a dialog about dismantling our false impressions of the Lord. We view him so wrongly, and that influences every aspect of our lives. I won’t spoil the book or film if you haven’t read/seen it, but I left the theater that night in such a different headspace than I was in when I arrived.
Today, I want to highlight a few of the lies I battle against about God, which are thread throughout the book and the film. (Seriously, if you haven’t read/seen it, grab a box of tissues and do it!)
1. God has forgotten me.
When someone doesn’t answer a text or email, I get so annoyed. Usually it’s for a legitimate reason, but still I hate feeling forgotten. Praying and waiting for a child can feel a lot like sending ignored text messages; because we know he hears us, it’s like sending a message with read-receipts, seeing that it’s been viewed, and then…no reply. Forgotten. Left behind.In my mind, God became the absent-minded professor who always responded to my emails with “Thanks for your email; I’m currently out of the office but will return your message shortly,” but then never got back to me. He became the flaky friend that always seems down to hang out or meet up somewhere, but when the time comes, they are nowhere to be found.
The Truth
Scripture is not short on evidence that God does not forget us. To Hagar in He is El Roi, the God who remembers (Genesis 8). While Joseph lay in prison the Lord was making plans for him (Genesis 39). When Moses led the Israelites from Egypt to what looked like a dead end of water, her remembered and made a way for them by parting the seas (Exodus 14). His thoughts toward us outnumber the grains of sand (Psalm 139:17-18). He knows the numbers of hair on our heads (Luke 12:7). And ultimately, he can never forget His sacrifice for us on the cross, which is the main hope we have that we are never forgotten (John 3:16).
Jared C. Wilson writes,
I'm sure the disciples were tempted by this lie as well, when the man they called Savior, Teacher, and friend hung on a cross and lay buried in a tomb for three days. But how blessed are we that he proved himself trustworthy, fulfilling prophecies of old (Isaiah 53:5), and then rising again, redeeming the fall of man.
Jared C. Wilson writes,
Look to the cross. It is the proof you need that God has remembered you and given you all that you need. His timing, his priorities, and his purposes are all revealed in Christ’s death and resurrection. He has not forgotten you. Remember that.When I feel forgotten or like he is not listening, I remind myself of these words and they become life to me, my daily bread and water to satisfy hunger, and quench my thirst.
2. God prefers to bless others instead of me.
In her book Bread and Wine Shauna Niequist writes, “Everyone I know is pregnant…Not just Facebook friends or acquaintances either—real see-them-at-church-go-to-their-showers, send-them-baby-blankets friends.” This was so me back in 2015; at one point I knew 10 pregnant friends! What’s happened since Xavier has been similar, but so different. Not only are more friends expecting—some with their second or third child—but many of the mamas I’ve met who have dealt with infertility or child loss are either pregnant now or have had babies this year. As much as I am thrilled and overjoyed for their little treasures, I can’t seem to silence the ache in my heart that longs for my turn.A "rainbow" caveat
In the child loss community, many use the term “rainbow baby” in reference to a baby born after a loss. I do not use this term, and it is very intentional. Two other mamas, Val Dunham and Adriel Booker, give sound arguments against using the phrase. Mainly, I don’t use the phrase, and we are not praying for a “rainbow baby” because 1) Xavier is not rain or a storm. He is my son, and we love him without measure 2) the concept is not biblical. We are not promised ease. And as long as we live on this earth, we are not promised invincibility to death’s sting. God doesn’t owe me a baby to make things right. That’s not how this works. But it’s so easy to buy into this myth: that other people have God’s favor and I don’t. They’ve all found the golden ticket, but all I’ve got is another lousy bar of chocolate.The Truth
God is not a respecter of persons and does not show partiality (Acts 10:34). From our outlook, it may seem as such. Though He may not be fair according to my standard, He is always right. He is sovereign over all, and I can only see a tiny piece of the tapestry he is weaving for us all. And furthermore, if fairness is truly the goal, then I should be willing to pay the cost for my sins; how thankful am I that the debt is already paid. Paul writes to Timothy of the mercy shown us, asserting, "...Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. "(1 Timothy 1:15b-16). Instead of grasping and coveting what others have, I pray for the grace to find joy in the gift of Christ.3. God isn't to be trusted.
Back in February I remember saying to God quite bluntly “I’m not walking away from you. I’m not letting go of my faith. But I just don’t want to talk to you for a while.” That was the worst month of my grieving so far. It was my due date month, it was winter, and I was still not pregnant. This lie tricks me into thinking I can look out for myself; I plan and try to control what I can. I try to achieve my ambitions in my own strength. He’s let me down in such a big way; how can I continue to be vulnerable with Him regarding my hopes and dreams? And so I close my heart to him, bundle up from head to toe, and set out to face the bitter winds and snow alone.The Truth
This lie comes up all the time in scripture. In the creation account we see it when Satan comes to Adam and Eve with promises that they will be like God if they disobey him and eat of the tree he forbade (Genesis 3). These false promise of access, and self-reliance are empty. And as a result of them falling for this lie, the perfect world God created is now broken.I'm sure the disciples were tempted by this lie as well, when the man they called Savior, Teacher, and friend hung on a cross and lay buried in a tomb for three days. But how blessed are we that he proved himself trustworthy, fulfilling prophecies of old (Isaiah 53:5), and then rising again, redeeming the fall of man.
Let us be quick to remember this truth, from Wilson: "God’s plan for his beloved and his beloved creation is not annihilation but restoration." We can trust and place the full weight of our hope on Him alone.
4. God is waiting on me.
There are numerous rebuttals to the "health and wealth" focus of prosperity gospel that I won't get into here. But one aspect of this heretical doctrine that I sometimes fall prey to is its the emphasis on human striving. There's an undercurrent to "name it and claim it" preaching that persuades many that we have the power to cajole God into doing what we want. We just need to rub the genie lamp the right way, sit on Santa's left knee, and show ourselves faithful and worthy enough to receive His blessings. And when the blessings and miracles don't come? It's our fault.Early in grief I felt this so heavily, though I knew with all my heart it wasn't true. I fell into the trap of thinking I was holding God back from blessing us with another child by ruminating on Xavier. I wanted the stages grief to play out the way it is so often described: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But there is no formula for moving flawlessly through the stages. Grief is just not that linear. The days, weeks, and months kept moving, but I felt stuck, and like my lack of faith was restraining God's work in my life.
The Truth
God is sovereign. I hate, hate, hate, that that is the answer to so many hard questions. It seems like a cop out, and even now I'm struggling with letting this be enough of a response to this lie. But it is solid and true. The prosperity gospel dilutes the sovereignty of God by making it seem like we can influence God into giving us the blessings we seek. Benjamin Corey takes this point further writing,This paradigm sees God’s favor as something you earn by doing, instead of something you receive freely by God’s grace alone...But instead of seeing God’s love and blessing as something freely given through his grace, the prosperity gospel associates God’s favor with right behavior, and interprets hard times as God holding back his favor. But according to the Bible, none of that is true.
The truth is, we will never make ourselves worthy enough for his love and favor. The fact that we don't have to strive to be so is the greatest blessing of all.
5. God is not a good father.
So the final question remains: Do I believe He is good—always and in all ways?Honestly? No. I don't think it is good my cervix thinned too early. I don't think it is good that my water broke at 21 weeks. My idea of a good father would not let a tiny baby die. And He would not withhold the one thing his daughter longs for so much.
The Truth
I have to choose to believe this. Almost daily, I have to set my logic seeking aside and firmly place my heart in the truth of his Word. He is good and what he does is good (Psalm 119:68), whether we feel like it or not.Furthermore, His goodness is not hinged on our outcomes. In this life we aren't promised health, life, or monetary gain, but he has promised us something greater. Matthew 7:11 says "If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" He does not hold back the good things from us (Psalm 84:11). He freely gives us good gifts. The best gifts. He gives us himself.
“Child of God, your Father is always good to you, and the Devil is always bad. And though the enemy still has power on the earth...our good Father will always bring life out of everything that the Devil comes to destroy.”
--Christa Black Gifford, Heart Made Whole
"I’m Not Who You Think I Am"
In his contribution to the book Thinking. Loving. Doing. Rick Warren writes, "We naturally feel that if we think something, it must be true because it comes from within us. But just because you think something does not make it true."This short clip from The Shack is one of the most powerful moments of the film and illustrates Warren's point masterfully. For one, as a southerner I love that Mack and God are having this pivotal conversation whilst making biscuits (sidebar: you can check out my go-to recipe here!). And secondly, Octavia Spencer’s performance as Papa is just everything; it breaks me every time. Oh sweet one, my heart aches for you. I pray that the Lord continues to knead your heart in his strong and sure hands, and that healing comes like warm buttermilk biscuits fresh out of the oven.
Questions to Ponder:
- What lies have you believed about God?
- In what ways do you see these lies influence the way you talk to him?
- How you approach him with your hurts and needs?
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