sneaky halloween.

Hey mama. I see you. Who knew that Halloween could be such a triggering holiday?

While most of your friends are headed out to take their littles out to Trick-Or-Treat, you sit at home on the couch watching Netflix. As kids in your neighborhood run from house to house, knocking on doors, grinning widely and offering up buckets to be filled with candy, your home is eerily silent. A gut punch of sorrow hits when you pick up your phone to check social media; seeing all the children in their costumes is more than you can bear. Tears sting in your eyes, and your stomach tenses with pain.

It's not fair.

It is not fair that life for others seems to go on untouched by the pain of loss. It's not fair your baby isn't here with you. You didn't get to find a cute costume and send your child to school or daycare dressed as their favorite princess or superhero. Nor did you get the chance to flex your creative muscle and come up with an adorable costume theme for your whole family to participate in. Instead of decorating your yard with creepy spider webs, lights, ghosts and goblins, yours will be the house that the children skip this year: your porch light is off, and you didn't buy any candy this year. What for?

Everyone always says look out for the big holidays, like Christmas, when walking through the loss of a baby. But there are all these little sneaky days that go under the radar until they're upon us and then BOOM! It hits you like a ton of bricks.

Be gentle with yourself tonight, mama. Take a break from social media if you must. We'll all be here when you get back.

Sending you so much love tonight.